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Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I have purchased my first tube of moustache wax and commenced my self-education on using it for styling the old soup strainer, which is beginning to reach the desired Bill the Butcher proportions (or as close as I’m gonna come, anyway). My hope is to keep it out of my mouth when I’m eating, and, more importantly, to eventually gain membership in the Handlebar Club, whose members I have determined to be among the coolest people alive.