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A Plan for Mother’s day

2,020 Miles

Grand Canyon, AZ—It is Mother’s Day, and I am far away from my mother. She and my godmother, my Aunt Pat, are celebrating with the family today just outside Philadelphia, PA. I am at the Grand Canyon, and according to Google Maps, the distance between the two is about 2,020 miles as the crow flies. I’d love to spend the day with them and be back here in time to get to Las Vegas tonight, but it’s quite a distance. Still, the boundlessness of human ingenuity and imagination inspired me to find a way to pull it off.


It turns out it’s really simple. A few years back, NASA built the fastest free-flying air-breathing aircraft in the world and called it the X-43. I assume you can rent it just like you’d rent a car. It goes Mach 9.8 (7,456 mph) and would put me in Philly in about fifteen minutes. Perfect! I could fly over there, spend the day with my family, and be back in time to ride the roller coaster on the roof of the Stratosphere. I’ll be calling NASA momentarily. See you soon, Mom!


NASA says the X-43 is not available for rental. Unbelievable. Mom, Aunt Pat, and mothers around the world: I hope you have a wonderful Mother’s Day, and I’m sorry NASA is a such a bunch of stupid jerks.