Open Letter to South Central Philadelphia

I understand that a strong community is important to you, even if a busy schedule and certain cultural disparities have kept me from truly being a part of it. I fully support your desire to have a block party every single weekend of the summer, to take over the streets with charcoal grills and picnic tables, Motown and soul. If I get annoyed at the noise sometimes, I remind myself that you are celebrating the neighborhood, that your joyous spirit conquers the poverty and violence that surrounds us, even if only for a day at a time. So I hope it’s clear that I’m on your side before I make a humble request.

Here it is: I don’t ever want to hear Usher’s “Yeah!” again. Ever.

I know this is a pretty tall order, as this is clearly your favorite song of all time, but please understand where I’m coming from. I haven’t turned on a radio in years; it’s the best technique I have for maintaining control over what I listen to. As such, I should never have even heard this song before. Yet, thanks to passing cars and block parties (among other things), I have probably heard “Yeah!” more times in the last year than I’ve heard my top five favorite songs combined. And I fucking hate it. I hate its flavorless, mind-numbing repetition, and I hate its ceaseless ubiquity.

So, please, if it’s at all possible to keep this one inside your homes and headphones, I’d really like to get started on the arduous process of forgetting it ever existed. Thanks in advance!